Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
