i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
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Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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