The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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