I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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