Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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