i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
