1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize