I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
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New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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