I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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