My room smells like vodka and shame
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
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I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
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Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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