I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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