This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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