i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
