just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
