You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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