I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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