Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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