Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
