If i come over, it means nothing
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
