I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
