i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
