Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
