Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
