After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
