wake up i wanna do it froggy style
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
