So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
