Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
