So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
