And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
