I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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