I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
