So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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