The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
