I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
