i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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