One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
