Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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