OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
