The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
