either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
