i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
