Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
