and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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