Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize