Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
