I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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