To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
