Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there