Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it glows. i had to have it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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