I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
