I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
