We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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