But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
