I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
