so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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