do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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