dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
