Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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