There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
