I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize